Johnny Chronic™ and Bong WaterŽ
This is a story about a guy named Johnny, an "extreme boarder dude"
that barely kept himself awake. Then one day he was talking to some dudes… and up from his brain came this idea
for a brew.... He knew that most of the non-alcoholic drinks out on the market were just flavored sugar water with some
heavy fizz added to tingle his taste buds and help him belch real loud. But, even though many tasted good, the quick
sugar rush just wired him up and then left him dragging, and most never satisfied his thirst. What really bothered Johnny
was he had to drink something else, usually water, to wash the thick and gummy aftertaste out of his mouth. More than once,
he offended some young lady he was trying to impress by trying to spit the stuff out. (Johnny, like many young men, might
seem like a crude, badass to some, but his momma raised him to be a gentleman in mixed company.)
Johnny Chronic™ has always tried to be on the cutting edge of sports. He
lives for the thrill of the moment and is high on life. He is active in extreme sports, especially "boarding";
all types and styles. It doesn't matter whether they have wheels under them or water or snow, as long as he can
feel the rush and experience the excitement of conquering his environment while developing his own athletic skills.
(Johnny likes to be a "real rad" dude, he loves the attention
and the shock he gives some folks, but he is smarter than the bad boy image he sometimes portrays. Like most of us,
Johnny likes to hang with his buds, to chill, to party hearty. But, he also obeys the law and will not drink alcohol
while he is underage. He wants to have fun without risking a DUI or an arrest. He knows that getting a good job or a
sponsor for his boarding could depend on a clean record. Even though Johnny hangs with surfers and "stoners", he is smart
enough to enjoy the culture without doing the drugs. Johnny respects himself and his body. He realizes his body
has to last him a lifetime. So he wants to stay healthy so he can enjoy the trip. Johnny knows of family and friends
that have lost out or lost everything, including their lives from too much of the wrong kind of partying. He does not want
to end up the same way. Life's too short to spend it behind bars, crippled up, or 6 feet under. Johnny's not perfect, but
his is a good kid.)
Johnny noticed that he was drinking a lot of conventional soda pop in order to try and
sustain the high energy level he needed to keep up with the active lifestyle. He realized that the "sugar buzz"
did not last long and that it must have been the caffeine in some of the sodas that helped keep him pumped up. The problem
was he had to keep drinking them throughout the day. It was not only getting expensive to slam so many, the high
carbonation made him belch and break wind a lot. He frequently felt bloated and this made him very uncomfortable during strenuous
sports activity. He also tried the energy drinks in the little cans. He got a lot of energy real fast... but it only
lasted about and hour and then he felt twice as tired as he did before drinking them. Johnny did not want to get wired and
then re-tired and he did not want to supplement the energy drinks by popping caffeine pills like some of his buds were doing.
Johnny wanted a mellow energy boost that felt natural and did not leave him wasted. He also did not like paying a high price
for a little can.
While talking it over with his buds and listening to their
similar complaints, it hit him right between the eyes, "Why not pump up the caffeine as high as is safely possible (don't want to get the shakes),
reduce the amount of carbonation (gotta have some fizz), just enough sugar to make it taste good (hate that sudden blood sugar
drop), add some healthy stuff to help keep my bones and body strong (maybe some vitamins for extra energy... B Vitamins
are great for stress relief). Then I would give it an awesome and wild name to get people's attention and blow their minds!
Something nobody else is doing." All of Johnny's friends agreed that it would
be so cool if he could do it.
Johnny thought about it on and off. He thought about the drinks he had tried, such as coffee
and other caffeinated hot drinks to give him that extra boost. They sometimes worked okay. The stuff in the little cans
wired him up and stressed him out... and they did not taste very good. Why does stuff that is supposed to be healthy for us
have to taste like medicine? When he is out there sweating and gittin' it, his body craves something cold as ice to revive
him and taste like a good soda. He also thought about wanting to look cool when he is out hangin' with his buds or trying
to impress a babe, especially at a party, where he would be expected to drink something. He figured he was looking for
a way to be himself and still look happening. Nobody wants to look like a wuss or a dork.
Johnny Chronic's™ desire has finally come true in the form
of Bong WaterŽ Energized Soft Drinks™.
XETEX Bottling Group is introducing Johnny's line of The
Original 420 Chronic Tonic™ in the form of Bong WaterŽ Energized
Soft Drinks™! These novel lightly carbonated energized
soft drinks™ contain a unique blend of fullbodied soft drink flavors, cultural
70's nostalgia, and just the right amount energy boosting caffeine to keep you moving and groovin'! The vitamins C and B Complex
is added to mellow you out and keep you from stressing.
Bong WaterŽ Energized Soft Drinks™ are
designed to chill your thirst without bloating you up; to help kick your butt into high gear when you need the boost, so you'll
be able to keep on... keepin' on. No need to worry about that sugar surge a regular soft drink delivers reversing itself
when you least expect it; or when you can't afford the brain drain. Shades of Hypoglycemia! Our energy/soft drinks are
nutritionally balanced and vitamin enhanced so that most people will avoid the "shake and bake" affect brought on by
most caffeinated energy drinks or soft drinks. Besides, all of the other good stuff we use to make our energy/soft drinks...
we added a lot of love and a giggle in every bottle!
Bong WaterŽ Energized Soft Drinks™ will not only satisfy your desire for a stimulating alcohol-free tangy picker upper; it will also satisfy
your need to be socially cool and sophisticated without the negative vibes associated with alcohol abuse. Our "Chronic Tonic™" is packaged in stylish 12 ounce clear glass bottles wrapped in attractive, eyecaching, and
vibrantly colored labels that will let everyone know that you're not drinking "the usual".
Your buds will freak when they see your drinking our
So, be radical, GET IT DOWN™, DO THE CHRONIC™ and get "stoned to the boneŽ" with
Bong WaterŽ Energized Soft Drinks™!
Ask for it wherever beverages are sold! And tell 'em,
Johnny Chronic™ sent ya!